


Breathe In

by ambiguous_nights



Series: Whumptober 2020 [11]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguous_nights/pseuds/ambiguous_nights
Summary: There's a reason Obi-wan won't eat bugs.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950745
Comments: 14
Kudos: 101





	Breathe In

**Author's Note:**

> warnings- flashbacks, choking, torture, force feeding, bugs

Their supplies are destroyed. The local vegetation is inedible. The local animals are wily and have so little nutritional value that the energy spent catching them isn’t worth it. The bugs, on the other hand, are rich with nutrients and easy to scoop up by the handful from the plethora of nests the pocket the landscapes.

The moment Helix had declared the bugs safe to eat, the starving troops had dug in. In just a few hours they had experimented with a dozen different ways of cooking them and seasoning them, but most found that eating them whole was preferable. According to Cody, they tasted like honey and bantha steak, with just a hint of pepper.

But as hungry as Obi-wan was, he couldn’t eat them. Even baked and deshelled, cooked until they were unrecognizable, he couldn’t put them in his mouth, despite Cody’s and Helix’s insistence that he eat.

Every time he tried, he felt the chains around his wrists and Ventress’s smile as a tube was shoved down his throat. He had screamed and choked and struggled, but she kept pushing it in, deeper and deeper. He could barely breath, barely even think. He felt it inside him, violating him, touching him where he shouldn’t be touched.

And then she fed him maggots. The awful maggots that he felt moving inside him, crawling around in his organs and under his skin. Maggots she kept shoving down in his throat until his stomach was bloated and his face stained by tears.

“General?” Cody says, breaking him out of the memory. “You need to breathe. Breathe with me, okay? Listen to me.”

Obi-wan looks up from the barely recognizable bugs on his plate, but bugs all the same, and meets Cody’s eyes as he realizes that his breath is coming in uncontrollable gasps.

“Can’t,” Obi-wan gasps out and shoves himself away from the table, away from the bugs and the staring and the concern, but he can’t get his legs to cooperate.

He hadn’t told them what had happened to him. What Ventress did. He can’t.

“Obi-wan?” Cody says, softer this time. “You’re having a flashback. Listen to my breathing. Just focus on that. You’re safe here.”

Cody kneels before Obi-wan as the Jedi struggles to bring himself under control but fails.

“Focus on your breathing. Listen to my voice,” Cody says. “You’re safe here. This planet, this world, is alive. Reach out with the Force and listen.”

His fingers dig into the ground beneath him, touching the earth and the rocks and the grass. Something crawls through caverns dug out by eons of rainwater. Water dribbles ever downward, sinking deeper into the planet. The planet hums with life and warmth. It spins on its axis, jubilant as it careens through space with a purpose known only to itself.

He breathes. And the Force welcomes him.

Obi-wan releases his grip on the Force, allowing his awareness to dissipate. He breathes slowly, carefully, one breath at a time until he’s no longer drowning.

He opens his eyes to find a dozen clones trying valiantly not to stare at him. Concern and fear, particularly from Cody, bombards his senses. None of them have seen him like this before. He had always taken great care to have his breakdowns in the privacy of his rooms, locked inside and buried under blankets. He’s supposed to be a leader. And leaders don’t break.

“I’m okay,” Obi-wan says. “I’m sorry to worry you.”

“Why don’t you boys give us some space?” Cody says to the men. They nod and scatter across the hills, leaving him and Cody alone.

Obi-wan’s fingers twist in the grass. He doesn’t want to have this conversation. Not with Cody.

“General,” Cody says. He sits down beside Obi-wan, exuding calm and peace to the best of his ability, like Obi-wan had taught him to. “Obi-wan, you don’t have to apologize.”

Obi-wan looks down. “Cody, I don’t want to discuss this. I can’t.”

“You should discuss it with someone. It doesn’t have to be me, but you’ve obviously got a lot bottled up and its not healthy.”

“I’m dealing with it.” He knows Cody is just trying to help, but this isn’t helping. Cody can’t know what was done to him. The commander already seems half-convinced Obi-wan can’t take care of himself. What would he think if he knew what those weeks in Ventress’s dungeon had really been like?

“Look, it’s fine that you don’t want to talk to me, but I need to know what triggered this.”

“Bugs,” Obi-wan says. He digs his fingers deeper into the earth, trying to cool his mind before the memories return again. He’ll have to talk to somebody about this, but not here. Not where the bugs still linger, not where it isn’t safe to lose control.

“All bugs? You didn’t have a problem when they were crawling all over you.”

“Eating them.”

“We don’t have any other food.”

“I know.”

“Okay,” Cody says. “I won’t try to get you to eat them, okay? I’ll make sure Helix knows too.”

“Thank you.”


End file.
